i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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