Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize