Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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