I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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