Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
