I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
