You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
