sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
