fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
