Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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