So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
