I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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