Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I need a beard to bite.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
