Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
