there was a trapeze. enough said
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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