RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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