I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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