I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Fuck appropriateness.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
