Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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