just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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