Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
