You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it's like iHOP with fire
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
