Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
