is your mom at the bar?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
