And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
