someone owes me an orgasm
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
