I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
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I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
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FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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