Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
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I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
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It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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