I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I understand Curling. That high.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??