I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
