Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(719): View more from Colorado

I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.

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(757): View more from Virginia

I understand Curling. That high.

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(440): View more from Ohio

But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.

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(309): View more from Illinois

it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(910): View more from North Carolina

Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.

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(314): View more from Missouri

the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.

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(276): View more from Virginia

They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?

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(+81): View more from

His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.

(1+81): View more from

You are always hiding in a closet though??

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