dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card