and you said cock pushups were impossible
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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