well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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