It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"