I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
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The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.