My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
