well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
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Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
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You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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