Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I am one with the molecules
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
how does that bad decision feel?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
