she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Mom said you looked used
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
