Quick, to the slutcave!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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