I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
