I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
