God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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