The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
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The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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