Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
