mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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