Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
