I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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