You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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