I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
