So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
wow bdsm is so cute
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize