Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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