what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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