I wish I could teleport
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
