someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
