she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
