I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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