Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
