dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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