I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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