Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
