and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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