I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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