you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
