I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
