Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
