She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
