I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
