you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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