If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
