you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
