I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
