I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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