Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
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This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
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Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.