tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt