Define "chronic" masturbator.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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