once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".