and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.