I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world