I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.