apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
