Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN