Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
