i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
