you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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