I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
