Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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