During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
