@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize