Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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