I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
