Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
