I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
