His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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