Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
